#

There was a brilliant, blinding flash of light, and then it was over.

Alistair picked himself up off the ground and looked around. Wynne was lying nearby; he took her hand and helped her up. “Is it over?” she asked him, her voice sounding worn.

“It’s over,” he said.

“And…” She looked over towards the giant body of the archdemon. Alistair followed her gaze. Arwyn had struck the killing blow; according to the history of the Wardens, she should be dead.

Yet there she was, standing over the archdemon’s corpse, her body covered in darkspawn blood and her dark hair over her face.

“It worked,” he breathed. “She’s alive.”

Wynne was halfway towards Arwyn already. The young elf didn’t look up at her. She just stood there, staring down at that twisted body. Alistair followed, and he put a hand on Wynne’s shoulder. “Let me talk to her first,” he said.

He was a little surprised by the understanding smile Wynne gave him. “Of course,” she said.

Arwyn didn’t budge as Alistair approached. Her hands clutched her blood-dripping swords tightly, and he realized she was trembling. “Arwyn,” he said quietly, “are you all right?”
Slowly, her hands unclenched from her swords, and the blades clattered to the ground. She turned her head slightly, but her face was still obscured by her black hair. “Alistair?”

“Yes,” he said, “it’s me.”

She looked up at him and brushed blood-matted hair off one side of her face. “I’m alive.”

He smiled at her and nodded. There was a moment where they just looked at each other, but then she laughed and threw her arms around him. Alistair blinked, then hugged her back. “I guess your devil’s bargain worked,” he said.

Arwyn smiled up at him. “Thank you, Alistair,” she said.

“We’re Wardens,” he told her, “we stick together.” A thought struck him, and he looked around the scorched roof of the keep. “Where is Morrigan, anyway?”

“She was right … here.” Arwyn looked down at the archdemon’s corpse. “Gone now, though.”

Alistair pushed the rest of her hair away from her face, and she winced. “Holy Maker,” he said, “your face. Does it hurt?”

“It does now,” said Arwyn. The entire left side of her face was covered in blood from a huge gash that ran from her eye to her chin. Alistair couldn’t tell what was the injury and what was just bloody.

“Come on, then,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “We should go see how the others are doing.”

Arwyn nodded, still smiling a little.

On the one hand, we have a lot to thank the suffragettes, the bra-burners, the Nancy Fridays (Google it), and the Hillary Clintons for. The sheer fact that we women can vote (provided we’re citizens of America and not Canadians, or vice versa if you live in Canada) is proof positive of that. We have birth control, maternity leave, female CEOs, magazines about female CEOs… Is it perfectly equal now? No, and it won’t be for a long time–after all, it took centuries for women to ditch the corsets and start wearing pants. But the fact remains that we have those things at all, which is more than, say, Susan B. Anthony did, and the world keeps progressing. Evolution takes time, but it is a constant forward march.

On the other hand, “feminism” can be a euphemism for “lesbian.” Let me explain: I’ve had a girlfriend. I know the lesbian side of the equation, or as “lesbian side” an 18-year-old mildly autistic girl can get. So this is not a hate diatribe about LEZZIES ARE SICKOS OOOOOH. Rather, this is why must pro-woman mean anti-man?

It doesn’t, you say. EXACTLY, I say. But those stereotypes of the man-hating lesbian exist and they exist for a reason. Same reason woman-hating queer stereotypes exist. The people do too. Maybe those people aren’t true feminists, but if not, what are they? Lesbians who use feminism to cover up their own insecurities and bigotry? For that matter, what is true feminism?

Maybe it has something to do with the goddess worship thing I’ve been looking into off and on over the past five years, I don’t know.

But for every man-hating lesbian, every crunchy-granola, Berkenstock-wearing, short-haired dyke (my favourite teacher in high school fit that very description, actually, minus the man-hating bit)… well, there’s…

This. What is this.

I’m not going to dissect the article, it rather speaks for itself. The funniest bit is the comments going ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! All I will say about the article is this:

I’m amused that all a woman should want to do is a business degree, find a husband, and have kids who she then homeschools while holding down a job with paid maternity leave (where is she working?). I’m in computer science, babe, I have no intention of getting an MBA.

And two…

Is anyone else reminded of the beginning of Thoroughly Modern Millie?

I have Art Appreciation at 10:10 am to 11:00 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, but today we just went over the syllabus and he booted us out 15 minutes early. So I went to the bookstore and picked up the texts for the three classes I am Most Definitely in. (Tomorrow I talk to an English prof and try to get into that class.)

I’m really a bit worried, I need 12 credits to retain my student status and so far I only have 9. Most of the classes I need to take, though, are already full–hence having to go grovel to the English professor. I’m keeping an eye on College Algebra, though; I took a placement test today and I scored high enough to get in. Now I just need an opening.

So after I came back from Color and Design (2:30 to 4:25 on Monday and Wednesday), whose teacher has the most ROCKIN’ goatee by the way, I set up my consoles in the living room, downloaded the Design syllabus and printed it out, talked to my boyfriend, and then started on dinner.

We have a half-size stove in this apartment, and it’s also a gas stove. I have never used one of these before, so Mom had to show me how. We’d picked up groceries earlier today, and I’d gotten some kitchen supplies as part of moving in, so I had everything I needed.

I used a recipe from Allrecipes.com for Grilled Chicken Salad with Seasonal Fruit. First let me say that I love Allrecipes.com. I love the ratings, the reviews with ideas for variations on the recipes, and I love the sheer variety of stuff you can find there. I have an app for it as well, which I use a lot. One of the nice things about Allrecipes.com is that you can enter the number of servings you want to use, and it calculates the recipe alterations for you. So useful.

So I made half the amount of salad the recipe calls for, and it was plenty for just my mother and me. Instead of grilling the chicken (as I don’t have a grill), I sautee’d it, and used a bag of assorted lettuce greens instead of just the Bibb lettuce, which I couldn’t find in the local grocery. We did find some lovely strawberries, though, since they’re still in season.

Somehow I managed to put it all together with one skillet, one cutting board, and without burning the apartment down. And it came out really nice! Delicious, actually. The tangyness of the sauce was balanced well by the sweetness of the strawberries, and the chicken and lettuce made a nice texture combination, all added to by the light nuttiness of the pecans.

So, I built furniture, went to class, and cooked for myself (and mom) in this new apartment. So far the year is looking up.

The games section of my iPod.

So I have an iPod touch. Its name is Sylph, because I am that kind of nerd who names all her stuff. (You should see my console setup.) It’s not an iPhone because I got it before the iPhone came to Verizon. That’s right, it’s a 2nd gen iPod touch. The software is all up to date, though, which is nice.

I’m telling you all that to tell you this: I love apps. I do so much with them, and I have a ton. Not as much as some people, I’m sure, but enough that it keeps me busy. The only downside is that I need a WiFi signal for most of them–damn you no 3G on iPods! But at school or at home or in Starbucks, my iPod is my constant companion.

So, because you all have such a high opinion of my opinions, I’m sure, I’m going to tell you what apps are my favourites. What I use the most, what I think is the best-made, and what I think is a just plain cool idea. But because I have quite a few apps, I’m splitting them up into categories, each with a top three (if applicable… my Health category only has one. THEREFORE, I PRESENT TO YOU:

My Favourite Gaming Apps

Honorary Mentions

dynamicDICE

The d20/d12 page of my dynamicDICE screen.

One of my favourite apps, though I rarely get to use it, is dynamicDICE. It is a dice-rolling app, and that’s the long and short of it. The cool thing is that the dice are fully CG-animated (I would say 3D but that seems to have different implications these days), and it has a full array of gamer dice. We’re not talking just your typical six-siders here. Everything from d4 to d20, including percentile dice.

Another cool thing is that there are several pages on which you can put different sets of dice, and then customize each page seperately. Both the page’s table and its dice can be selected individually from a long list of colors and textures–so by doing so, you can create your own theme per page. Also, as you can see from the screenshot, it’s tilt-sensitive, so the angle of the dice changes as you move the device around.

World of Warcraft Armory

My main character, a dwarf shaman named Khaara.

My other favourite non-game-but-gaming-related app is the World of Warcraft Armory. It’s an app produced by Blizzard that lets you basically access the WoW website in mobile-app form. You can’t actually play the game but you can look at your character’s stats and the stats of other characters, use the talent calculator, browse items, and even use the auction house or guild chat. The app itself is free, but the auction house and guild chat services are not. I don’t use them, so I can’t speak to their quality; but I really like being able to use the talent calculator or just look at my characters on my iPod.

The neatest thing about looking at your characters is that you not only can look at their stats, but at their appearance. You can view them in animated 3D, take off their cloaks or helms, and see the various animated emotes, such as /dance. The fact that you can do this out of the game is really, really cool to me. You can do this with other people’s characters as well, of course. This does, however, require that you have an iPhone or, if an iPod, a WiFi connection.

And the Winner Is…

Robot Unicorn Attack

Pretty much the best iPhone game ever.

I don’t play many Adult Swim games, or many flash games at all, but I am fucking addicted to Robot Unicorn Attack. Why haven’t my other two “game” apps been actual games? Because I only play this one. Seriously.

Those stars mean business. Luckily you have RAINBOWS.

The concept of the game is pretty simple: You are a unicorn who is also a robot, you’re running through a purple-and-blue platform landscape, and there are stars that will make you blow up if you run into them or anything else. So you use your Rainbow Dash to blow the stars up first. That’s about it.

The thing is, you have no control over your running–you’re just running, and you can control if you jump or double-jump or Rainbow Dash, but you can’t stop. Just to add to that, the longer you play without dying, the faster you go. There are no true “levels.” No breaks. Just running and running faster and faster until finally you don’t Dash soon enough and you blow up. Every 5000 points (you rack up points as you go, plus 100 points for blowing up Stars and 10 points for catching fairies, which multiply if you go without missing one) dolphins appear to mark the milestone, which is the closest thing to levels this game has.

Oh, and it plays only one song the entire time.

BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I don’t even know why, really. It’s just sparkly rainbow crack. I started playing it on the Adult Swim website, but I love it even more on my iPod–that way I can take it with me wherever I go. And drench myself in robot unicorns.

Unicorns forever, guys. Unicorns forever.

Of late, one of my favourite shows is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This show is, in a word, amazing. Created by Lauren Faust, one of the brains behind the Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, it is far smarter and better-written than its name implies, managing to be savvy, clever, and fun without losing any of its kid-friendliness. The best part about the show, in fact, is the kid-friendliness—it is completely accessible to young girls, its target audience, meaning it’s sweet and girly and innocent, but without talking down to them. NOTHING in the show is at all condescending. It is on the girls’ own level instead.

Somehow this makes it appealing to 20-something boys.

I think what’s appealing isn’t the girlyness of the show; it’s the writing. Smart writing appeals to everyone—good quality is good quality, and everyone recognizes it. Not only that, but the characters are largely likeable, a rare find in a kid’s show, despite their flaws. And they do have flaws! Not just superficial, funny flaws, but ones that genuinely get in the way of their objectives, flaws they have to overcome. The whole show is about being yourself, but learning how to be yourself and meet your goals at the same time, not to mention being yourself and getting along with other people. Primarily the getting along with people bit, come to think of it. And the art style! It’s actually good! It’s simple and clean, yet detailed. And it’s not in weird shapes or “cutesy” stick figures or stupid-looking CG—it’s brightly-coloured vector 2D animation, and doesn’t try to be anything else.

I mean just look at it.

But, to quote LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow, don’t take my word for it. Watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and see for yourself!

(This blog post is not in anyway associated with Hasbro or the Hub and is not endorsed by them. I simply love ponies.)

So as a Canadian citizen, despite living in the US for the better part of my life, I have to transfer into UNK as an international student on an F-1 visa. This means a few things, one of which being that I can’t get a regular job unless it’s on campus, but I also can’t apply for work study. Another one is that a “hold has been placed on my account” until I attend International Orientation at school. This means I don’t get an ID or password, and am therefore unable to get into the school system and as such unable to register for classes, until three days before classes start. I’ve been looking at the class schedule for this semester as well—and all the classes I need to take are full.

So I may have gotten into the university, but whether I’ll be able to take any classes there appears to be another story. I have been so looking forward to actually being able to take classes in my major, classes I will enjoy, but I need to take algebra first, and algebra is full. All sections of it. Because I haven’t been able to register yet. What classes aren’t full have one seat left, and I still have a week before I’m able to register.

Am I missing something? Is there some special thing they haven’t told us? From what I’ve been told through what they’ve sent me, I have to show up at the school, immigration documents in hand, before I can do anything—I have to prove I exist, and that I legally have the right to exist in this country, and then I can actually, you know, be a student.

Which leaves the question of what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing this semester. This isn’t fair to me and it’s not fair to the other international students. I can’t even apply for work study positions because only Americans can do work study—it’s a federal program. There are student worker jobs, but work study students get preference. So there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to go to class or get a job. I have no idea what to do, and no idea where to go for help.

Fuck Homeland Security. I’m trying to do this legally and they’re trying to find ways to say no. If they want to stop illegal immigration, they have to stop saying no.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I am really excited about all this.

IN OTHER NEWS, I’ve been playing a lot of Champions Online lately. I have an active World of Warcraft account, and I do log in, but the uber-obsession is fading. This is likely because I have new things to obsess over, like school. Anyway, I really like CO! The character creation is super fun, even without all the extra C-Store costume bits, and I actually really enjoy the gameplay. My favourite parts are probably the travel powers, though. Super speed? Flight? Who needs those when you have a GRAPPLE GUN. I have no idea what the grapple gun latches onto, though. The top of the screen maybe?

The more I play MMOs, though, the more I think, Damn I want to work on one of these. But hey, that’s why I’m in school. Hopefully I can get an internship in Austin this summer—that would be so cool. Well, actually it’d probably be hot—it’s Austin—but you know.

One more thing: I’m trying to get back into writing. Rebecca has been riding my ass to do something for her, so that’s tonight’s project. I’m working out details for the Fractal stories right now—but in the meantime, I’d like to warm up with some fanfiction. My usual fandoms are Mass Effect, Dragon Age, World of Warcraft… possibly Kingdom Hearts, or Champions Online or something. Thoughts? (And if there are any other fandoms I should write in, let me hear them.)

SO WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON?

• I got a boyfriend, as I mentioned in June and then never followed up on because I suck. He is amazing and his family is lovely and I had a wonderful time in Austin. Things went great and I didn’t have an anxiety freak out once.
• We went to Canada at the end of June, to Vancouver Island. Visited the grandparents in Victoria, then went to Gabriola Island—a small artists’ colony off the coast of VI—to see my aunt, who lives there, and my other relatives on my Dad’s side, who were also visiting. I actually get along really well with my cousins now, and I didn’t always. It’s a nice change. Gabriola is also GORGEOUS, a real temperate rainforest.
• I applied to the University of Nebraska at Kearney and actually GOT IN. After a long period of sending in paperwork (gotta love being an international student) I got my acceptance letter. Classes start on the 22^nd of August—in two weeks, in other words.
• I have finally settled on a major that I am really happy with. So at UNK, I will be a computer science major. Somehow this is only a surprise to me.
• Mom works at UNK, I’ll be going there, and Kearney is about three hours from Columbus—a hell of a commute. So we’ve decided to get an apartment in Kearney. The one we found is two doors down—literally!—from the campus. It’s a small one-bedroom, but it’s fine for just the two of us. The rent is low, considering all utilities minus internet are included, the place is in good condition, and the landlord seems really nice. Mom will be going home as much as possible, but I’ll actually be living here most of the time. Therefore: it’s my apartment, more or less. My first apartment.
• I turn 22 next month.

The upshot of all this? Holy shit guys I am growing up.It is both exciting and terrifying. Been a long time coming, but you know what? I think I’m ready now.

So I, on my own, went to Austin today.

Three things: 1) This is my first time flying alone. Ever. 2) This is also meeting my boyfriend in person for the first time. Ever. 3) This is the first wedding I have ever gone to. Ever.

So let’s just call this… an adventure.

I left Omaha this afternoon, flew to Houston, then from Houston went to Austin. I took a notebook, and logged on the plane. Here’s what I wrote.

4:47 pm

Left for Houston 1 1/2 hours late. Flight to Austin isn’t until 6:55 though so I’m not too worried. Hopefully I can get dinner with Stephen when I get there.

The idea of actually sitting across from him at a table is exciting.

The guy next to me is an arm rest hog. >|

Also started reading Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Well-written, especially for a translation.

No signs of descent yet, but I see houses below, I think. The attendants are collecting drink trash, too.

Engine noise just changed. Hopefully that means we’re getting close. Or my ears depressurized.

It’s interesting, looking at ground things from so high up. I can make out the interstate, highways, even houses. No cars, though, too far up for that. There are funny square dots on the ground below–big, too, if they’re so clear. I wonder what they are. Damn, there’s a lot of them.

I can make out lines connecting the squares. It looks like a circuit board.

Captain just announce descent. YAY. I’ll be in Houston by 5:30–gives me an hour and a half for finding my way.

7:03 pm

On the plane to Austin now, sitting on the tarmac. Little later than expected, but should be in by 8. Met a very nice young Austrian man in the boarding line. He’s going to a job interview–a company that makes microchips, like for iPads. He seemed pleased to hear I’m a computer science major.

Had a smoothie and some banana chip trail mix in Houston, but otherwise I haven’t been very hungry. Good way to start a diet I guess, ha.

It finally hit me boarding the plane that I’m going to see Stephen. In person. In proximity. In an hour.

I hope the sudden rush of butterflies doesn’t make me airsick.

8:11 pm

Still haven’t left. Something about maintenance. I’ve been texting Stephen; he’s at the Austin airport. He says the Arrivals board there says ETA 8:45 now. I feel bad for making him wait like this. I’ve been watching Avatar: the Last Airbender on my iPod in the meantime. Good thing I still had some vids on there!

Tempted to dig out Hermes [the netbook], but I have no idea what I’d do with it.

8:26 pm

WE ARE FINALLY LEAVING. HURRAY.

Hope I have luggage when I finally get in.

8:36 pm

And we are in the air. At least it’s a short flight.

9:?? pm

Descent has started. No electronics allowed at the moment, so unsure of time. 30 minutes to Stephen (give or take).

Oh my god this is really happening

#

That’s the end of the notebook log. I arrived in Austin without incident–once we got started, anyway. Stephen picked me up. He’s taller than I expected, but otherwise he is every inch the boy I knew from the internet. He’s real. This is really happening.

We went to IHOP for dinner and had French toast with strawberries (or I did, anyway), then to the hotel room. I’m staying alone. Get a king-size bed all to myself, ha.

I surprised myself today. I managed to get up on time, check in, get through security, navigate two strange airports, and make small talk with strangers on the same plane. A year ago I would never have been able to do that. It’s amazing how far I’ve come.

And somehow, if it weren’t for Stephen, I don’t think I’d have had the motivation to come this far.

#

Technically, it’s not his treehouse. It’s not anyone’s treehouse. It is the Park’s treehouse, if it’s anything, which means it belongs to the city. But it is still the best freaking treehouse in the entire world—and at night, when no one is in the Park anyway, it’s his.

Aaron swings up the tree and pops through the trapdoor. One day, he thinks, he’ll show Toby this treehouse—how it has the perfect view of the moon over the lake at night but is sheltered from the sun during the day, all the funny little nooks and crannies he’s found in which people have tucked things away over the years, some of which he has kept and replaced with his own things, as he suspects kids have been doing for generations. It’s impossible to know how old this treehouse is. Older than anyone else, at least.

Toby, though, is at home and sleeping peacefully. When Aaron gets back, he’ll look in on his baby brother, touch his forehead ever so gently so as not to wake him, and sing that song that’s been stuck in his head since he can remember. He sings it to no one else but Toby. If his father caught him watching his brother sleep he’d probably be in for it, but it’d be worth it. He can’t explain it, but the first time he saw his baby brother was the first time he’d felt wanted—even as he was pushed aside by everyone, including his father. Toby is Lawrence’s son, not him. Not Aaron.

But Toby is Aaron’s brother. That much he is sure of.

He looks at the red panda stuffie he bought earlier that day. It’s a bit large for a stuffed animal, but it’ll be the perfect size for a baby to snuggle up to. He scratches his head absently, thinking about all the things he wants to show his brother when Toby gets bigger. Not only the treehouse, but the super amazing toy shop near the Park, and they can play together like brothers are supposed to do, and he can teach Toby how to run up the—

Oh. Right. Toby will never be able to run. If he can walk, it will be a miracle. He stares at the panda stuffie. He’s been trying to figure out how to be a good big brother if he can’t teach Toby all the things he knows.

And then it hits him.

Toby needs him, not as a teacher, but as a guardian. He’ll never be able to move around well on his own, he’ll never be able to defend himself—but Aaron can do that for him. Aaron can be his protector. Even in a couple of years, when he graduates high school and moves on—and finally out of his father’s house, which was never a home to him—he will be there for Toby. He will protect him. That’s what Toby needs him for. He will be whatever Toby needs him to be.

Later that night, after he sneaks back into the house, he lays the red panda next to his sleeping baby brother. Toby rolls over, finds the soft fur, and instinctively snuggles into it. Aaron smiles, kisses the infant’s forehead, and sings ever so softly in a language he doesn’t know, in a tune he’s never heard anyone else sing, but that feels perfect and honest on his lips.

And he wonders if this is what love feels like.